Tuesday, 13 February 2024

Filling the Void











By: Jonathan Seidel




Routines and obsessive habits: from desire to compulsion (Sacks, 78) 


People with compulsive disorders are forced by their disease to act impulsively. To be superstitious and act oddly. Whether it is to shout a few words or lock the front door with both hands. Yet these compulsions are infectious addictions. They come with the disease. On the other hand hobbies are enjoyable. Able to do away without watching the Knicks game but maybe not a drink. A chronic survivor is somewhere in the middle, needing but also do not needing to act.


The chronic sufferer finds a routine that best fits his positivity. One that leaves the least physical harm by the end of the day. It takes some experimenting but the goal is to find a routine that reduces pain to a minimum. A groove that provides as much peace as possible. No pain just serenity. It is near impossible to rid the pain. Drunkenness covers the pain for a few hours but then shocks the body with riveting torture when the mind regains control. Forever trapped by the bind of a painful stalker. A reminder every moment of each day. A sublime routine, how fitting. Experimentation is no simple feat. He must put himself out there to get hurt. To put oneself in further pain in order to recover. To try new things even if it is scary or painful. The only way to find that routine is try it out. No google search or YouTube video can supply the perfect regimen. Each person’s body is different. It is for them to figure the best routine. Doing it individually will undoubtably bring discomfort but it is through this displeasure that Eden may be found. 


Once that routine is found it is cherished. How amazing to have found a more peaceful option. A way away from the painful disaster. A haunting demise undermined by a distractive routine. A mighty success against the cramming illness. It cannot overcome. It will be subdued by personal expression. That routine is to be followed consistently because why not. Why forgo the medicinal routine. No pills simply movement. A set of actions that result in a reduced painful day. A better day with a broader smiler. It may even have lasting effects. It is simple, follow through each day. Make sure to check it off. Do it and happily enjoy the action. Glide through it as a monumental achievement. Knowing that even if the action is tedious or tardy, pain will be reduced. That result cannot be passed up. The peace at the end of the tunnel is worth the hassle. 


The routine is sacred. It must be kept. How do I fail to do so? How can I miss it? Life is never so simple. Nor does it relish in the routines. Wake up late one day, work is earlier, kid needs help. There are a hundred different reasons for a routine to go haywire. For a routine to be corrupted. No matter how much preparation. It comes down to the variables at hand. Obviously keeping it simple is the primal need. If things are kept to a minimum then it is easier to complete the routine but that doesn’t mean it is easy nor simple. To a certain degree having a set routine is infinitely more dangerous than not having one. Since having one demands that it be kept. If even a slight infraction prevents its fluid completion the entire system is off course. The entire system is offbeat and dysfunctional. A characteristic embedded in the motto of synchronicity and linearity. A demand that follows suit with tranquility when fulfilled but chaos when unfulfilled. The momentum has soured and the aptitude for the day’s obligations are murky. 


Keep it simple. The classic motto is key to fulfilling the sequence to excel. Then again it need not be the exact same things. It doesn’t need to be that specific coffee or that specific time crunch. Relying on a routine is seminal. It empowers the self with meaning for the next day. Incompletion is absent meaning. The day is lacking something. Life is lacking purpose and nihilism creeps in. It sounds absurd but it can become make or break. On the cusp of insanity, routines provide structure. To bear the insurmountable magnitude of decay. Routines cure haphazard blocks of debris. Organising the disembodied lifestyle. Realigning meaning with the chaotic emotional toll. The witness of gradual concretisation. An easy feat with such impact. It isn’t only the simplistic tasks but the tasks themselves. To continue the same tasks over and over. It is does not taint the boredom of overloaded actions. These actions are filled with meaning. They are on the level of eating and sleeping. It isn’t some external hobby but a part of the self. A survival mechanism. 


Routines ought to be open-ended. Able to replace the tasks with others. Change up workouts or read different books. Thought even on a larger level to replace a morning workout with light reading. The routine is a signifier. It is chunk of time that can be filled with certain activity. Have a couple of possibilities in the gas tank. If one task is not in the cards or unavailable choose an alternative. The tasks themselves are not sacred but the time is. If the time is focused upon with something to do during, meaning will be enforced through a different avenue. A new activity will attain the promising the spirit to implement with rigorous energy. It is about the exertion to a “distraction”. A meaningful activity that subsumes the nihilistic overview. To deny the nihilistic pondering and the painful experience with peaceful moments during the activity. The time frame is sacred and is to be occupied with exerted order. It is the self’s intent that maximises its relevance. The sacred nature is dependent on the self’s desire to fill the void of time. Will it be wasted in the nihilistic vacuum or applied to the ordeals of meaning? 


They can’t always be completed. The horror that comes with a missed routine is chaotic. Instead, link oneself to the plausibility of meaning. Do not rely too heavily. Recognise their power but do not become too attached. They are a cure but also a curse. A medicine with a drawback. Too much can overwhelm and destroy. The routine is a way to meaning but not the only mode. The routine is profound but the meaning must be learned and returned to the everyday. It must be a mechanism not an obsession. It is the means not the end. A way to better the self during trying times. Helping through the painful experience but not the only way. Not even the ideal way. It is a good help but it is not to be demanded through and through. Do not beat yourself up if you are not feeling it. Do not overwork yourself. Balance yourself. Recognise its merits but its detractors. Just as alcohol can be a blessing and curse. Too much alcohol will derail one’s function and one’s identity. The pained can take medication to reduce his torture but too much will hurt him more. One must know where he stands and how much he can take. To be honest but also bold. 


Routines are beautiful. They are essential but they may be postponed. Just as someone who isn’t hungry will push off eating so too a routine. Though the routine becoming entrenched in identity is but an external part. It is the lessons from the routine that are most important not the routine itself. It must be ingrained as a helper not a demander. As a medication not a life saver. 

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