Childhood Copycat

By: Jonathan Seidel

Interpretative evolution: methodology and ideology (Sontag, 7)

Interpretation is a critical part of human development and moral fabric. How we interpret texts, events and others formulates our perspective on the world. How much do we imply our own biases. How often are we misguided by arrogance and stubbornness.  

Interpretation is based on lived experience. There is rarely a clean slate. Engaging situations with preconceived biases. Perception is skewed by a priori knowledge. While children may be innocent of this prejudice their parental education is embedded in their psyche. Corralled by consistent jargon the way they see the world is blurred by their own knowledge. Continuing traditions of one’s parents is itself a mimicking technique that has yet to detach from the parental mustered pride. Reality is a collage of perpetuated messaging. Tingling the subconscious to deduce truths without personally experiencing them. Spending so much time hearing without actually doing. A byproduct of our birth the child’s fate is sealed. He is but a cultivation of his environment. His innocence is muddied by unknown phenomena. Invading phenomena infesting his mind unaware of their presence. A servant to subliminal messaging. 

The child has little memory of his parents fierce words. The big no-nos in their rule book. It wasn’t specified but he felt the whooping he received. He felt the harsh breath voice raised in his ears. A roaring sound aching his head. The memory was recorded even if the image cannot be recalled. His mind highlighted instances of wrathful intent. Distinguishing between normal and radical behaviour. When did his parents grow extra angry. What set them off. Momentarily he can remember and avoid but in time he will forget. Yet the message beats into him. Feeling sorry for angering his parents he confesses He was wrong and he will do better. Whether he meant it or not he has accepted their frame. Subconsciously he has surrendered. He is at the behest of their way. He is at the mercy of his parental guidance. He sees the world as they guide him. Staying within order. Their words so impactful. In devoted love he follows their phrases. He curses and shouts when he is angry. He is only acting like his parents. Mimicking them in respect not in mockery. 

At first it just words. The child doesn’t really understand what he means. He is a copycat. Trying to fit in. Trying to be accepted. He craves attention. He is no longer coddled and wishes his parents to notice him. He acts like them to show that they have taught him well. It is a ploy but a respectful gift to those who provided for him. He is young enough to not fully grasp the absurdity of the phrases he has uttered. He simply follows by example. Monkey see monkey do monkey get in trouble. Troubled he reflects and learns the difference. He hears his father yell at his mother so he copies but his father scolds him. He replies it was an accident. Yelling at your mother is wrong. Never do that again. The child learns the difference between accidents and intentional. When he hears his father yell at the tv after a failed first down he copies. His father slaps him on the back good job son. Proud of his accomplishment. Different settings have different responses. Context is key. The learning curve is slow distinguishing by variables presented. Flying animals are birds but different birds have different names. Even though they look different they are all birds. 

Educational interpretation is sentimental to the child. Watching his father’s dedication to his favourite team every week yelling at the tv cheering inspires a devotion to the same team. He heart is set. He approaches the sport with routine passion. Valuing their play and capability. Like father like son. His mother watches the news every morning. His mother snarls at the television. Disgruntled from the political fabric. She says president bad. His mother smiles. He doesn’t know what it means but he gradually becomes aligned with her political views. Watching the news with her. The chain from parent to child is sacred. One of ingestion and embodiment. The child incorporates the nuances of what he hears into his worldview. Whether or not he understands what it means. His outlook on otherness is based on his parents’ position. He does not discriminate he only follows their lead. Yet dogmatically he holds to these views. His comprehension is loose but his illustration is exact.  

He accords his views with his education. With the nuances of his mentor objectives. He is innocent and immature. He does not know any better. In a humble acceptance of futility he adorns the perspectives of his parents. He trusts few and those few he mimics. His view is monolithic and sacred. He cultivates an echo chamber. The entire world is boxed in. Only what he sees by a specified few does he incorporate. His outlook is moulded by reliance on these few. These words are dogmatised. It may bore him but he finds them to be truth. It is in his immobile state that he internalises that which is abstract to him. He believes all that is outside himself. All that stands outside his experience has an asterisk. If he cannot dispute it he accepts its fact. His limited knowledge places much of reality in this sphere. It is the things that he can contest that are mitigated. What remains beyond his comprehension he applies to the meta-truth. The level of literal acceptance. His humility to his ignorance is stable. 

The disputable areas are those affecting him. If his parents force him to go bed earlier he may rebel. This trust is only relevant if it doesn’t affect him. His parents may say books are great but he doesn’t find them great. A parent may imply an ideal but he slowly learns how to act. He is habituated in a certain way. In the short run he pushes back but the child is powerless to make any change. Only those irritating aspects like reading a book or going to sleep early does he find a way around. As these are punishments on him but positives are marked with great significance. His perception is guided by how it is placed upon him and what others do. He is not angry that he has to go to bed early but because he is missing his favourite show or because his friend goes to sleep later. The detrimental impact is related to how it’s applied in other cases. His deduction is one-sided. It must be equal everywhere. If he can do it why can’t I. Wanting to be like an adult yet still immature. He doesn’t understand the full picture only what he desires.

Undisputed areas are a shock to him as he grows. He follows the insights of his parents. He has no one to contest or challenge his view. He believes he is right. There was never an alternative or any pushback. Even if he never uttered or understood, his first encounter with the otherness he speaks inappropriately unknowingly. It is only with lacking education or skewed education that the incidental words become internalised rhetoric. Whether or not a parent’s actions are intentional, his words regarding a certain procedure or person may be cynical in a moment that affects the child for his life. Infecting the child’s mind into a crude adult. A parent making a derogatory comment about a certain individual labels that person in a negative light. The image that word subconsciously remains in the child’s mind. A mother crying over a certain individual courses fury through his veins. No remedy means continued belief. Until the parent says otherwise the truth remains. Especially if the same issue persists it emboldens in the child’s mind. 

Children are innocent and ignorant. Easily swayed by action and experience. Events mark their territory in the long term memory bank. These perceptions are cradled into the subconscious cultivating a narrow world view based on adolescent internalisation. The immature audio translates experience into dogmatic belief. A difficulty when encountering the other.  

What Just Happened?

 

By: Jonathan Seidel

Forgetfulness yet gut remembrance: the unconscious and symbols (Sacks, 67)

Forgetfulness is from stress or sleep deprivation. Associated with the negative consequences of existential dread. Yet it also a feature of brain function. Memories decay with time but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Forgetting can be beneficial to moving on and positively experiencing the world. Yet just because we forget doesn’t mean we truly lose the memory.

General assumptions subscribe to memory loss and other external factors. A broken brain forgets. Only those with crazy memories are special. Forgetting is losing information and losing information is bad. Forgetting the material learned in class, having a brain fart during the exam. Despite the extensive studying and mental anguish over recalling each bullet point, stress erased them. Overwhelmed with the exam, the memories filtered out. Someone walks up to you and extends their hand but you have no idea who they are. Feeling embarrassed you don’t ask their name and play it off as if you remember them. Of course you should know who they are, they know who you are. They seem familiar but the awkwardness is too much to bear. Your mother walks down the stairs and sees the dishes still in the sink. You hear her shouting from the other room and instinctively hide to defend against the critical speech. You instantly run into the kitchen apologise and do the dishes swiftly. Such forgetfulness has its consequences. If only I had a better memory no harm would befall me.  

Each of these cases has a different reason for forgetting. Stress caused the brain to delete the material that was causing grief. Unimportant caused the brain to delete the file on this individual who seems to have no relevance. Preference caused the brain to delete the parental instruction to clean the dishes for something more fun to do. The brain intentionally shredded the file due to its circumstances. The brain decides what is good and what is bad. Autonomously protecting the body whether from stress or annoying chores. The spectrum is elongated by the different task at hand. Each event marks an experience that is uploaded in the brain. Before entrance into the memory bank, it must scanned for defects. A security section necessary before entry into the vault. Top notch security that only allows that which is pure and pleasurable in. Security fights against intruders. Bad breakups wishing to break in are manhandled and discarded. The rest of the relationship is rounded up and expelled. The memory bank only has room for importance. An ex may remain as a figment of a historical timeline and maybe some of the good if it doesn’t trigger sorrow. Each memory is on a need to know basis. The brain’s security is intense and a guard against any adversary that wishes to deal harm. 

Contrary to popular belief, those with crazy memories do not have those censors. There is no security check. Any terrorist can board the plane. A profound memory is a defect. The lack of security allows everything in and everything at the self’s disposal. A cataloged library without any checks and balances. There is no protective web. It is generally portrayed as a superb skill but it is also a disastrous route. Easy access for the individual to recall information but also easy access for evil to enter the vault. Evil corrupting good memories. In an episode on House, A woman who has a photographic memory hates her sister. She is so caught up in the past that she can’t see the good in her sister. She cannot see the positive changes her sister made. A memory from her youth still plagues her in her forties. Her sister at ten is the same person at forty. For her, memories are all equal. She doesn’t forget or downplay the old past but equates them. It is a synchronic arrangement rather than a diachronic hierarchy. Even more so, the images she sees are so clear that the experiences are real. There is no security blocking the imagery protecting the self from horror.

The deletion theory seems to be wrongheaded. Nothing is ever discarded. All memories are stored in the memory bank but some are activated and others deactivated. The brain seemingly controls this. I cannot necessarily will myself to recall every moment with my grandfather but on his yahrzeit memories flood in. It is events and emotion that trigger activation. Everything is in the vault. Using mind games can ease the memory. Drawing connections through singing or teaching improve memory. The security screening isn’t so much discarding them but turning them off. It is only through active assertion that the deactivation tanks. The ability to remember is interconnected with association. Trying to remember by empowering those activated memories. For them to run through the security defence with extra layers. The brain’s security system will demystify the memory so singing and teaching provide armour to withstand the deactivation process. Once memories are shut in the vault it is difficult to recall without a connection. Thus emotional overload helps memory but also proactive re-education. Memories can be recalled but not easily. Even those taught can whither with time.

Your brain will catch up with you and deactivate those memories. There may be a hint of its past time but not too much about it. The brain is not out to hurt the self but promote the self. To not sit back and recoil at the old but to advance to new beginnings. The brain adds its piece in the memorial relevance. Assisting the self to remove harmful memories. Holding onto these memories will continue to harm the self. It is easy to let go with minimal emotional connection. Which is why with such emotional attraction those memories can re-emerge, the same with recent tragedies or even a break up. Recycling images is parcel of the emotional lingering. The process isn’t linear. The ability to remember is based in one’s deep desire to recall it. It isn’t a perfect system but the brain will filter the correct ones. Tearing the memory to deactivate it from the self’s conscience. There is a mental block diminishing those memories you desire to keep. The women in the House episode was unable to forget. What seemed to be a gift was a living nightmare. She couldn’t filter the bad ones, couldn’t deactivate them. They were catalogued. Even those memories that we can recall, those memories are limited but not for her. No embellishment no alterations. 

Alzheimer patients are on the opposite end. Everything that passes through is deactivated. If the brain is the deactivator then instead of filtering the memories are deactivated. To some degree it may a be a rogue brain. A brain that erases all memories. The memories are in the vault but cannot be accessed. They are decayed skeletons. The disease is a neurosis. The brain is attacking itself. It is shooting every memory down on repeat. A computerised sequence that is not turned off. Turned off would be the photographic memory. No security all activation but the deactivation is not a lack of the brain but too much brain. Amnesia is the damage done by an external force. Discolouring the ability to recall bits of information. Yet it is an inverted loss. It isn’t that the brain has stopped working but that it is working too hard. It is overheating and deactivating everything that passes by. For amnesiacs neurological compensation comes at a price. The brain is not hit with an astroid but is pelted with psychotic confusion. The neurological mishap fails to interlock the necessary functions together. The self is at the mercy of the brain’s incompetence. Greg’s brain went into hyperdrive to protect him. He became a foreign individual, his entire personality altered in efforts to maintain his sanity and capability.

Amnesia overwhelms the self. The self’s memory and thus his personality is overshadowed. If he cannot remember himself, he cannot know who he is. Identity is marked by combined memories intertwined. Damage to the frontal lobe is a titanic hitting an iceberg. Everything is thrown out of whack. There aren’t enough lifeboats nor ships nearby for support. Alone in the ocean, the captain of the ship makes a horrid choice hypnotising the crew so they do not suffer in their death. Shielding oneself in a block of ice to protect from the chilling seas. Repressed memories of an awful tragedy to be able to move forward. This is the opposite. The brain doesn’t deactivate those memories enabling the self to move on peacefully but instead places the self under a spell. Deactivating all memories for the rest of the body to function properly. The holistic structure has received a serious blow and it is now overcompensating to ensure perpetuated function. Vegetable life is still life to the brain. Working tirelessly in a phantom zone of sorts to ensure life is still living. The self may not remember but the self is present briefly. He is forever present even if not entirely there. His brain is shutting down the power while contorting itself to make up for the blow to the ship. The iceberg will not drown the ship but it will have to steer in pitch black night. 

The brain’s compensation works on various levels. The dysfunction of the ship requires novel alternatives to stay afloat and moving forward. The holistic being is able to breathe as well as fear in different parts the body. The brain may be the command centre but it is not the only place of communication. Gut-feelings are indeed genuine. They aren’t a psychosis but a bodily response to the situation at hand. Not just a hunch on a test, but butterflies in your stomach or feeling nauseous are apparent emotional links between the gastrointestinal tract and the neurological core. Thinking about pooping can actually prompt the stomach to release the chopped up nutrients into the rectal area ready for deployment. The gut can even be considered a second brain. Nerve cells lining the digestive tract. The gut isn’t as expansive nor elaborate as the brain but it does have its share of cognitive ability. It is the intuitive feeling that emerges from bodily expression. The intuitive processes are manifestations of the gut wrenching potentiality. It is not a logically deduced construction but a quick second possibility. The body’s reaction is justifiable in its comprehension even if there is no rational compilation. 

Amnesiacs who are able to remember melodies are tapping into their gut. The first brain is burdened but the second brain is reacting to stimuli. The body recalls even if it cannot pinpoint the seller truth. Greg did not recall seeing the Grateful Dead at Madison Square Garden but he was singing Picasso Moon despite not recalling from where he knew it. He was able to sing along to the melody of Picasso Moon and other recent songs because of the melodic connection. These weren’t just phrases but bodily responses. His gut was answering. His brain couldn’t recall the concert. He mistakenly linked the songs with a fellow deadhead. His linkage was bodily. The gut was insinuating patterns but the brain couldn’t process it sufficiently. He had forgotten his father passed away but still felt icky. Never wanting to return home. Something stopped him. His gut was his mirror of knowledge and it prevented his wish. Either his brain articulated a sense of sadness to compensate for lack of memory or his gut fuelled the ill-desire to return home. An overwhelming emotion dampening his will for that which he loved so much. Akin to a stimulant that shallows the mood and drowns hunger. The gut may be responsible as the brain is currently preoccupied with other variables. The body is responding to the conditions and the self is but a victim.

A symbolic element of cognitive functioning delineates the possibility of authentic expression. Forgetfulness steals the peak of expression with all memories lined up committed to the personification of the individual. Memory is a powerful component in the human mind. The balance of remembering and forgetting is parcel of human existence. Yet the automatic activation or deactivation distorts the credible middle agency. The self trusts the brain to make the correct choices. Due to damage, the brain compensates in a disastrous situation. The gut is realised with the cognitive awareness. Able to hint to the bigger picture that the brain cannot fully conceptualise. A feeling without the evidence. The self is but a pawn in the chain of holism. Unable to transcend and at the mercy of its own conscience powerhouse.