Birthdays celebration and dread (Cioran, trouble, 6, 8)
The episode of Rachel turning thirty is filled with anxiety and misery. After many years of fun and enjoyment through the seasons of Friends, her thirtieth birthday marks a reflective axis. Where she has been and what her future holds. Here, the birthday switches from youthful joy to mature agonising. The nourishment of sleepovers is now marked by one day closer to frailty.
The episode begins with Rachel’s anxiety and follows the other friends and their thirtieth birthday memories. Each one admits to the memorial disaster and anxiety ridden difficulty in recognising that age. None of the friends seem to have encountered thirty blissfully, all trying to be children. All trying to hold onto the alluring past. A recognisable hint to the growing pains of adulthood. Expectations not yet met and fear of the unknown lay ahead. Thirty is a ripe age in today’s age for finally pulling it together. Starting a family and establishing a profession. An age of reflection that neither friend has seemingly eclipsed. Struggling with their own woes and failures. The plot is sorrow and sullied by the stormy immaturity. Each friend attempts to make amends with their struggles and look positively toward the future. An optimistic swing to a bleak disaster. Ross points out that in ten years they will all be forty and Joey breaks down. A horror in the ears of imperfection and closer to the end. Growing with the existential dread is disturbing recalling the death clock as the years linger by.
The episode marks a developing phobia of getting older. Attaining adulthood clashes with evolved maturity. Recognising the failed expectations only haunts the grower. Age is a part of human existence but it does not reduce the emotional turmoil suspended in the mind. It doesn’t evaporate the suffering prevailing the individual. The phobia is not all that illusionary. While it is dramatised it is all too real to the sufferer. Life is getting more complex. It is becoming more burdensome. One’s birthday is the day of reckoning. It is the day of reflection as the celebration proceeds. Birthdays are all about the years one’s existed. All that they have gained and accomplished. It is the material aspect that is concentrated. This for Rachel is daunting. She feels overwhelmed with her lack of achievement. Feeling deprived and wasteful in her encounter with accepted maturity. Her fear is deduced from her observational insolence. From how she perceives her peer’s growth. Yet each of them recognises their own futility. In their own words failure has followed them. They have yet to make it.
Children do not feel this way. They are ignorant of the futility that will arise in the later years. Engulfed in the enjoyment of the ego. Centred attention in a selfish ease for growth. There are cases of childish hatred of birthdays from traumatic past whether it be bad parents or no friends. Yet for many children their birthdays were filled with additional care and attention. It was a day about them. Now their siblings would have to see them as the chosen child. It was a day of absolute acceptance and generosity. Attention from everyone else brought a smile of respect and dignity. A birthday party followed suit with all singing praises. Everyone visited the birthday boy and everybody participated in allegiance to his day. The joy of childhood was revelling in overwhelming support and love. People going out of their ways to congratulate on the precious day of birth. The growth aspect was a part of more extensive partying. How to fully engage others in your own day. Contributing to demonstrate their ultimate love for the birthday kid.
Celebrating as a child is to be elevated above others. A selfish tactic for attention and recognition. The child feasts in the royal palace. Fondled over for the entire day. Special breakfast with remarks of elated joy. Popularity in school is like no other. Kids never spoken to say the classic phrase. The only words recalled are these quoted lines memorised each year. Children think it is nice to wish others happy birthday and the birthday kid feels good hearing it. Indulging in the regal affair he thanks them with a smile. He will never speak to them ever again but in that moment he feels like a king. Feeling beloved and concerned for. Lacking responsibility for anything. It is all provided for. Mom makes the special breakfast and drives to school late. Greeted by friends and teachers alike wishing the almighty phrase. They may as well bowed in respect, to their majesty. After school dad picks up the cake and at desert it is placed in front to momentarily gage his own prestige before devouring it with a smile. He is temporarily on top and then the day ends. The following morning everything returns to normal. For a day he was royalty and as quickly returns to peasantry.
Adults see their birthdays differently. Maturity reduces the age of irresponsible fun. Even to go out with friends to a bar is limited by the scope of availability. Maybe a friend or two show up and maybe they only stay for an hour. Responsibility for family or a job requires one to suspend their enjoyment and their selfishness for others. A husband may treat his wife and even older children may do the same for their parents but regal sensation is youthful. It is heavily reduced to the family. Friends may reach out and the connectivity spawns conversation. There is a moment of solidarity. Friends feeling obliged to reach out and congratulate yes the opportunity to extend and find out how life is. A once a year token to catch up. The birthday adult enjoys the company but it is not as simple to respond. While a husband may treat his wife for breakfast they both must head for work, the children must be driven to school. Everyone is on their own schedule preoccupied with other than the birthday.
Everyone desires recognition but some require it less. Maturity is the acceptance of independence. A wife doesn’t generally require the attention that a child does. The birthday experience is different. The mother has experienced her share of birthday parties. The youthful spirit was a past-time. She adores her husband’s overwhelming attention but it is temporary as he kisses her on the cheek as he grabs his stuff to work. Some coworkers may acknowledge the birthday but it isn’t the drama of the school-years. There is a youthful spirit to send a text but it is selective. From friends that know you, though in the social media age, reminded of someone’s birthday and sending out a confirmation is super easy. There may be more quantitative messages but far less quality. There is a higher level of recognition even in adulthood because the information is out there and recalled to everyone but the actual recognition is inferior. Adults are also involved in their lives and have little time to delve or even care for the recognition. The point of maturity is to enjoy the independence even at expense of dispelling the joy of birthday indulgence.
In some regard, the reflective axis is relative. There are ages where reflection has a stronger pull. Turning twenty five is bigger than turning twenty six, turning fifty is bigger than forty. Not all birthdays are equal, some have more emotion than others. These bigger ages act as milestones. Reflecting on the past. Where has my life gone and where do I wish to be. The inquiry marvels in the mind of the struggler. For many their routines cost much of their time. Many a time not aware of the day or date. Birthdays are a pause to the routine. The routine freezes to focus on you. The world keeps going and the routine is still obligatory but a mental note comes to the forefront. Acknowledging the growth is at the same time a denial of presence. Wowed by the realisation. Jokes about old age begin at the quarter mark. Feeling older than some friends. In a class of your own. A quarter of life has been completed. Amassed with the responsibility post-university only heightened the dilemma. Only three quarters to go. What are the goals? Where do I hope to see myself in the near future? Inquires that haunt and privilege those wishing to outlast their fate.
Birthday is a reminder of aging. The quarter milestone only figures to reckon with the youthful spirit. Body is still at full capacity for most. Able to enjoy single life with ease. It is the beginning of responsibility on the heels of irresponsibility. Slowly weaning off of the dependable nature. Maturing gradually in the process. For others it is a reminder of the despot. A undesirable continuation of hell. Responsibility has pervaded their life for some time. Married young or elderly parents. Already forced onto the accountable scene. Though still the youth is present. A nexus between youth and adulthood encapsulates the paradigm shift. Attention seeking is salvaged by mature independence. Shoving the yoke of desire off one’s shoulders. Responsibility takes the initiative away from prowling in external affairs. Birthdays become more about introspection than celebration. What has the new age me accomplished? What can I employ to self actualise? It is not merely a metric of joy because adult knowledge sees the finality in the distant future but cannot erase the intellectual comprehension haunting the soul.
Stigma of birth is not fully accepted or lamented by others. Many see birth as the most beautiful creation in the world. A child with the cutest soul smiling fills the parental heart with overwhelming joy. There is a clear obliviousness to the inevitable struggles of life. Since living is more satisfying than not. Why wouldn’t others wish to live, yet it quite forced upon them. Thrusting the existential dread in their faces. Most accept their fate and choose to celebrate the joy of their existence. It is good to be alive. Though somewhat misguided in the matrix of belonging. The innocence of youth protects the suffering of maturity. Children’s brains are not developed. They are smart but emotionally deficient. Unable to fully acknowledge the horror that awaits them. Protection from the world at large comforts any possible carnage that may emerge. Childish inexperience paves the way for jolly go-lucky existence. It is the intervention of tragedy that innocence is transformed. An external stimuli abruptly awakes the numbed child into the hellfire of disaster. Overwhelming the once peaceful tranquility with fearful trembling. A birthday is a day of comfort and return to the origin. A day where everything is put aside to ensure the child’s dreams.
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