A system of objects: belonging before being and undignified existence
The other is projected as a substance of objectification. The other is manifested in complete peculiarity. Stunned and confused by the other's rampant differences. Even the simplicity of a parent is an other. One need not utilize a mirror to recognize difference. The fact that you are not me is intuitively a division from oneself. I cannot understand your prerogative nor control your actions. The realization baffles but routinely comforts the soul. Otherness is a starstruck moment but one that is easily overcome in the futility of youth. Before the other can even be comprehended the self desires the other. Instinctively, rejecting the grasp of another until comforted. The other needs but a moment of engagement to be accepted by the infant. Serenity shrouds the emotional distress. Otherness is an embrace of concern.
Infants are less capable of defining otherness. Selfish in their desire to be cared for. Their attention seeking mania can be upheld by anyone. Comfort is normalized in the routine of the cared other. The awakened infant may intuitively deny a cousin holding her given this irregular feeling. The instinctive rejection is not malicious but a stranger danger reaction. A fight or flight syndrome. Her way of fighting is calling for help. A mini damsel in distress. Yet if the cousin routinely soothes her or a consistent babysitter will slowly become accustomed to this change. Otherness is recognized by a sense shift. Appearance is younger, voice is higher, weight is lighter. It is these changes that alarm the infant. Even if she cannot explain verbally why, there is a cognitive swift response. Bells ring and the infant yelps for help. The cousin of babysitter must explain who she is and her role. Demonstrating via comforting action that she is not a threat but a caregiver.
As the brain develops so does the child’s understanding of otherness. A child lost in the mall will cry for her mother. Scared and alone, she does not know what to do instead of express her fear in tears. The tears alarm those around her and enable bystanders to come to her aid. Children are gullible. The lost child will resist the stranger’s approach. Yet his calming words will embrace her sorrow. Asking her where her mommy is and assisting her in returning is a steady step in the correct direction. The rational brain has developed overpowering the instinctive skepticism. He is not my mommy but he is promising to return me to her. Understanding his intent and scared pushes her to make a desperate act. The stranger is no longer someone passing by but a helper. He will personify himself to assist her. He is no longer an object but a subject. Someone who has unveiled the otherness stonewalling any prior connection. Once she returns to her mother so caught up in her fear she hugs her mother and forgets to thank the man. The man returns to an object finished with his task.
Children are self-centered. Everything revolves around them. Otherness is a pact against them. The story of life is theirs. A Truman Show type mentality. Whereby the protagonist of this world is the child’s journey with actors aiding in her development. The troubling event traumatizes but aids in the child’s development. The individual is honored to assist the lonely child. Yet her mission ends with the conclusion of the play. The daughter is returned to her mother and they live happily ever after. Life is just a sequence of continuous storylines. The man’s objectification is the child’s lack of interaction. The child knows by routine engagement. She may forget his name upon leaving the mall. Her memory is not engraving this event nor her helper at the forefront of her mind. It is not consciously selfish but subconsciously irrelevant to her plot.
Even in youth, there is little that resembles otherness beyond action. Children in the park care quite little for appearance. Children are simple. Playing in park with different races or genders is normal. As long as the other accepts your entertainment. Sharing passions for children is the highlight of friendship. It has much to do with getting one another. Living close and playing often emboldens that situation but long term friendships are those that mark significant energy on the child’s part. Friends from the park are park friends. There is little engagement beyond this. This does happen in adulthood as well. People do have their ball or bar friends. Yet in youth there is less categorization. The other is quickly embraced as someone like-minded. Children who do not enjoy your passions will be ignored or cast aside. Sometimes even bullied for their difference. Many of these friends are conditioned by the event encountered. The child enjoys his friend on the playground but if far away or different communities that little engagement leads nowhere as the child grows up. Consistency is necessary beyond the playground especially when fun at the playground is outdated.
Teenagers incorporate complexity into their deduction. The other again does not fit into mold of the teenager’s identity. The more recognition of the self imbued, the more projected. If one is more religious then those who are not may be considered outsiders. At times teenagers are less interested in individualistic passions and more group values. “Classist” models become well apparent and a hierarchy of popularity is acquainted. Where these values emerge from is irrelevant, the niche is the interests placed to fit in. What is cool and not cool becomes a desire to be accepted. From infants to teenagers, each wish to receive attention. Wishing it from people one’s own age. Family has suffocated attention, it is time to spread out. Aware of this notion, this competition and aura. Its the non-athletic teenagers eventually from their own group to share that comforting spirit of belonging. The soloist is not a bully mongering scheme but a friendless weirdo association. A stigma for attention seeking popularity and a personal urge to be liked combines for fitting in. Whatever group that may be.
Otherness slowly gentrifies in the remoteness of an individual. A transfer student may excel or fail in a new school. The awkward nature of the new kid inquires of his place in the school. Categorization has been destined and completed. Even if this may be freshman year, it is the superficial nature of the other. Teenagers are in between childhood and adulthood. Seeking independence from their parents but yet not independent enough to be alone. The solution is a middle-ground of friend group independence. Higher awareness of otherness whether that be appearance or speech meets its match in befriending others. It is easier to befriend a single person but the group requires not only quantitive acceptance but also qualitative acceptance to vibe with the group. In a group, fitting in means altering projection to comply. It is a shrewd representation of the self. The self is subjected and yet an object to those outside the group who recognize the apparent hypocrisy.
The new kid fears to make the first move. He is the reflected object. Friendless and alone with little knowledge. His mystique may arouse interest or isolate him. Yet his confidence verbally or actionably tests his worth. To which group will he fall to. What is his fate. An athlete may aid his stock but also may hurt him. If he is good for the team without hurting someone else’s spot will congratulate him but if he is messing with an established vision that may tease his burden. Yet consistency with players on the team will unveil his distance. Hanging out more than just during practice will bring him closer to the group. Friendship will grow the more revealed in time. There are many variables. His success may invite condemnation. If the new kid steals one of his teammate’s girl that may spell disaster. Every move is observed. Hawk eyes judging each step if he is fit for their crew. Walking on thin ice even if he aligns completely with the crowd.
Staying with the new kid example. If he is a foreign exchange student. An immigrant with little knowledge of the layout. Barely speaks the language misunderstands the culture and thus left alone. Athletic capability will help his stock and finding those passionate. Basketball is its own form of communication. There is a poetic license to masterful play. He is objectified as the weird new kid until that barrier is breached by a niche level of communication. The otherness is cleansed in the compatibility with the subjects. He is no longer some random individual but a part of the basketball group. Finding a crew is necessary for his being to be pronounced. His barrier is his belonging. The foreign kid is a testament to his outsider agenda. He alone unless he can overcome.
A crush follows the same formula but instead of the group dynamic it is a sole individual. Though there are group variables in peer pressure but I digress. The crush is an object of imagination. Emotional feelings pair up minutely against the logical meshing of personality. This is certainly the case, pondering of any friendship with another but even more so when feelings for the other usurp logic. Fantasies may emerge but cannot do justice to the realistic portrayal. Asking a crush out is a personal unveiling with a simultaneous transformation. No longer is she an object of indirect thinking but a threaded message. When she says yes and the relationship begins the awkwardness of infatuation struggles to voice conversation. Frequent conversation reduces the distance to embracing otherness as a reflection of the self.
There is a melting pot theme that is muddled by a priori propaganda. Surface differences whether in appearance voice or smell. These differences may halt advancement. Peculiarity has immediate shock effect not long term distance. Only as the mind advances does clarity of cultural discrepancies divide. The mature mind weighs differences and backs accustomed outlook. Propaganda becomes enmeshed in the circuit of representation. It is the group polarity that constitutes membership. Membership excludes the outsider. Individuals can push past differences but groups entitle themselves away from others. Stronger group identity may turn former subjects into objects. Whether that be a former friend entering a group or outside the group. The dynamic changes perception of the other.
Though at times, the objectification has little to do with preconceived notions and more with pure ignorance. An old friend may transition to an object. Thinking about their life after moving away is not in the dignified conversation. It is necessarily wrong but a recognition of change. People change and an old buddy may be a stranger to you. He is an object gazing at his shift and alterations. What may be is not what is conceived in the mind. The other is a stranger to the self. Confidence aids in unveiling that masked objectification but it does not cancel it out. The experience following the initial shock encounter subjects them to personalization. Otherness is no more. It is breached with brazen action. Deductions are concocted lacking real data. Internal argumentation with little value beyond the alienated intent.
Wanderers are small outliers. Most people find a relative camaraderie to belong somewhere. Their essence wound up with their connections. People walk in groups compromising their individuality for the whole. Existence is weary in its fundamental relation to itself. Human variance consults value alignment. There is a desire to connecting with others. Yet the other changes over time. The youthful liberal becomes an aging conservative. Children find their group niches and stick to the plural mindset as they develop. While friends may change the community exclusivity is an inevitable part of progression. Otherness is erased quite quickly in youth but in adulthood is carefully monitored. The mature mind surrounds with like-mindedness. Stubbornness sinks in and little advancement is done to alter the echo chamber. Objects remain on the periphery uninvolved and disengaged.
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