Tuesday, 10 October 2023

Dying Alone






By: Jonathan Seidel



Dying as a private affair: elongated life and hospital deaths


Hospitals care for patients. Giving them care until their death. At times patients are living on machines. Provided a haven to live as a vegetable. Patients may have family visits but their steep decline is their own battle. A privatised motif that is between the patient and doctor. The doctor cannot assist the patient’s death. Medicate until their last breath. Despite the doctoral relationship, the patient’s descent is subjective. Their death is their own with flowers resting on their gravesite.


A hospital is a place for preserving life. Doctors doing whatever they can to heal patients. Yet for many life isn’t preserved in the typical way. Dangerous procedures and terminal illnesses haunt the patient. Doctors insist on their expertise but they do not know the patient. They play their gymnastics and wilfully ignore the patient’s qualms. The doctor has a mission and it may be at odds with the patient. Coercing the patient to live for themselves or for other’s sakes. Professionals arguing that life is better than death. There is no other way to think about it. The slogan is a slam dunk. In their mind. They are hampered by a goal failing to accommodate the individualistic desire of dying.


By design the doctor cannot assist the patient in such a procedure. The hippocratic oath binds them to medical efficacy. A code of ethics that ensures they continue their important mission. They must keep the patient alive at all costs. Compel them to take the surgery. Guilting them into living despite the dangers. Even when there is only one way it is hounded upon by the medical professionals. Why wouldn’t anyone wish to live. If it is invasive surgery or imminent death then of course. The mental juggling of patient mental compliance override their own autonomy. The doctor has their best interest in mind. They make suggestions but these are construed as commandments. The power they wield is well-intentioned but is by nature a preserving life against all else. It is a habit more than malice. 


Sometimes doctors do have to make split second decision for an unconscious patient. Yet while an un-consenting patient stubbornly opposes procedures, doctors will overwhelm him with death warrants. It is not malicious but irritable. Selfishly deciding the best course for the patient is dually ironic in the patient’s condition. Doctors treat they do not feel. They provide a service not a social group. There are also doctors who don’t care and do not help. For those who do and take their job seriously put their opinions before the patient’s. The patient generally has limited knowledge of their condition but it is the state they’re in. It is their decision to decide their life path after listening to the details. Once informed of the possibilities they incur the best course of action. 


More than the doctor’s selfishness is the family attitude. The family guilts the patient into preserving their life through sheer will. Doctors will do their part but it is on the patient to will their way past the illness. They must fight for their lives. For their loved ones. Failing to fight is an insult to their concern. Caring is selflessly living for others. Even at the expense of own comfort. Desiring the patient to push forward. A ridicule of shame. Live for your family or be ignored. Fervent push to sustain their livelihoods. Familial visits result in sympathetic cornering. Coming to leverage the patient to recover. Hounding the patient with cries of inspirational malevolence. A unintentional malice melted on the twisting knife exasperating the painful experience. 


An emotional overhaul sadistically tortures the patient. Wanting to be left alone, their family does not allow such peace. Their autonomy stripped from their grasp. Disallowed from taking any extreme measures. The haunting teasing remarks breaking the spirit damage the intentioned end. The plan obstructed by constant nagging and tearful wailing. Guilt tripping to ensure the vitality of the patient. They cannot go or else their memory will be blemished. The patient has lost their own conscience and plays into their role. Their pain is nothing in relation to the family’s wishes. They are a tool to be weaponised in any which way. It is not their choice. Brainwashed to maintain their sanity in order to endure for their families. A mind-numbing obscurity that dismantles a troubling end to a liberated decision. 


Patient’s cannot achieve the peace they desire. Wishing to decide their fate is out of their control. Forced to choose between a deplorable memory and peaceful end. No one else is dying and their memory will fade in time. The family will suffer temporarily. The patient will be in peace. A blissful nothingness awaits them. A place away from pain. Yet their family wishes for them to endure. Hold onto the stoic hat for appeasement and picture taking museum sculptures. It is their presence that is necessary even at the cost of their own authenticity. It is their fate that is sealed. Why shouldn’t they live by it. Let them decide their fate. They have provided a service for a long time, it is time to allow them the gratitude of moving on. It is hard to let go. The patient struggles with leaving but it is for the best. No pain is worth the struggle to resent family. 

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